Cebu Sports Blog by John Pages

Tennis Shorts: Game’s Funniest One-Liners

Raffy Uytiepo—my fellow columnist, fellow Ilonggo, fellow runner and, yes, fellow injured man (we both own knee injuries)—gifted me with a book last week that, after reading it’s hysterical and brilliant quotations—got me snorting and laughing. Ironically, the 246-page book’s title, “Tennis Shorts,” was my original by-line when my first-ever column appeared (for The Freeman) back in Sept. 21, 1994.

Compiled by Glenn Liebman and fully-titled, “Tennis Shorts: 1,001 of the Game’s Funniest One-Liners,” it was copyrighted in 1997—which explains the absence of Rafa and Roger. Enjoy these tennis shorts…

“Got to let one rest and be fertilized while I’m using the other.” – Bill Cosby, on why he has two grass courts at his house

“Grass is for cows.” – Jan Kodes, on his disdain for grass

NBA on TV

Who says the NBA isn’t shown on cable TV? Early this year, when SkyCable pulled the plug on Solar Sports and, with it, Basketball TV, Cebuanos growled and protested. For how can, to us, the world’s most popular league—whose games we’ve watched since the Magic Johnson and Larry Bird era—be stripped away?

Chester Cokaliong

Chester receiving the champion’s trophy from PAL officials at last year’s PAL Intersports

Isn’t he fascinating? Here’s one of Cebu’s top businessmen (Cokaliong Shipping) whose dawn-till-dusk corporate schedule is jam-packed, finding the time to shoot 16 three-point shots and scoring 56 points. I repeat, no typographical error there: Chester made 16 three-pointers, amassed 56 points—all in one game. Stunning. This happened exactly seven days ago when his Cebu Eastern College Alumni Basketball Association (CECABA) All-Stars demolished the Cebu Dental Society (CDS), 130-71.

Will Hamilton win in Brazil?

Just like 2007, the Formula One champion will be decided in Interlagos, Brazil. If you recall 12 months ago, Lewis Hamilton was heavily-favored to win the ‘007 title—but he erred trying to make a pass in the first lap then succumbed to a gearbox problem—and lost.

Paco Rodriguez 10th place in Japan

Still on racing, Paco Rodriguez, whom I featured on this column a few weeks ago, returned from the World Karting Finals in Japan with good news.

“We were 36 in our class ‘expert’ and I finished 10th,” said Paco. Then he added, “Not bad… 10th in the world.” You bet that’s not bad. When I asked if he was happy with his showing, Paco said, “Yes, I’m very happy that I’m in the top 10. I didn’t expect to be in the top 10 because I qualified 24th.” Paco told me that it rained during the race and, given his “rainy day” expertise, he moved up and placed 10th.

Yayoy vs. Tiukinhoy: What do you think?

Two afternoons ago, Cebu City Councilor Raul “Yayoy” Alcoseba called. He was furious. “Boy (Felix) Tiukinhoy is only good if he’s the one organizing the tournament,” he said. “If he’s not part of it, to him the event is no good.”

The latest issue, as you’ve read on these back pages the past few days, is the Visayas Amateur Athletic Association (VAAA).

The founder of the VAAA, Yayoy Alcoseba hoped to include, among his roster of teams, Cebu’s top collegiate schools: UV, USJ-R, UC, USC, among others. Instead, in a 6-1 vote by the school owners of the Cebu Schools Athletic Federation (Cesafi) last week, they barred any Cesafi school from participating in the VAAA.

Yayoy Alcoseba and Boy Tiukinhoy ready to fight (He-he! That’s Freddie Roach)

First or fastest: Who’s the race winner?

Two Sundays ago in San Francisco, U.S.A., a freakish event happened. No, prisoners did not escape from Alcatraz (it’s been closed since 1963) and, no, the red-colored Golden Gate Bridge wasn’t painted gold—it was another type of oddity.

In the Nike Women’s Marathon, a total of 20,000 runners joined. Nothing wrong with that—in fact, that’s a grand celebration on the fight against breast cancer this “Pink October.”

Now, here’s the abnormality: One runner finished first while another clocked the fastest time. Yes, no misprint there: Nora Colligan crossed the finish line ahead of everybody else while another runner, Arien O’Connell, recorded the race’s fastest time. How possible? Each runner is given a ‘chip’ that’s attached to the shoe and one’s time begins (and ends) as she crosses the starting (and finish) lines. With that chip, O’Connell ran the quickest time.

Did the winner lose? Or did the loser win?

“There were over 20,000 competitors in Sunday’s Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco,” wrote C.W. Nevius of the San Francisco Chronicle last Oct. 21. “And 24-year-old Arien O’Connell, a fifth-grade teacher from New York City, ran the fastest time of any of the women.

“But….. she didn’t win.”

She did not win? And she had the quickest time? How can that be?

This story is controversial, funny, thought-provoking. Here’s what happened: In the marathon, Arien O’Connell did not run with the so-called “elite” group (those considered the fastest… who are placed at the front of the starting line). And so, with over 20,000 participants, O’Connell stayed at the back of the starting pack and ran 20 minutes after the elite group left.

At the finish line three hours later, three female marathoners (not O’Connell) finished 1-2-3. So they’re the top three finishers, right?

The NBA: It’s ‘Where Amazing Happens’

The above slogan is the NBA’s newest. Introduced to basketball fanatics last year, it replaced the long-running and popular, “I Love This Game.” Either way, this we know: the NBA is loved and is amazing.

Take Kobe and LeBron. Teammates in the ‘Redeem Team,’ they’re opponents on the parquet floors of the Staples Center and the Quicken Loans Arena. One stands 6-foot-6, wears three NBA championship rings, was the 1997 Slam Dunk champ and, last season, was adjudged as the NBA MVP. The other is 6’8”, weighs 45 lbs. heavier than KB at 250 lbs., dons MJ’s No. 23 jersey, and, last season, was the NBA scoring leader, averaging an exact 30.0 PPG.

Of Kobe and LeBron, once again I asked my “NBA consultant” who helped me craft last Tuesday’s column—Dennis Que—on his comments and MVP picks…

Questions? On the NBA? Dennis Que answers

Exactly one week from today, the game that’s dribbled in America but is followed by all 195 countries of the world—especially by our basketball-crazy nation—will begin. The NBA, after four months in hiatus, finally begins its 2008-09 Regular Season on Oct. 28.

I’ll make an admission: I haven’t followed the league. Ever since “the greatest athlete in world history” retired last April 16, 2003 wearing the Washington Wizards jersey, I’ve followed Federer-Nadal, running, Tiger, boxing, PacMan—but called a time-out when the topic was the NBA. And though two supermen named LeBron and Kobe are near-MJ-like, they’re still—and no one can ever replace His Airness—not Michael Jordan.

And so, to shoot an article on the NBA, I needed an assist from my good friend Dennis Que…